Sunday, May 10, 2009

Confused.

Lately life is getting much harder for me. I feel that it's at a stand still of some sort. I feel so worn out. School is becoming too much for me as days go on. The days seem so much longer. I dont like the way it feels. I think about to tomorrow and I try to imagine what I will be doing but I cannot. I can only figure out general things. I think this break is just what I need. Sometimes I want to take myself out of society but that is a very permanent solution for a temporary issue. Im not crazy just, so lonely. Even though I spend ample time with everyone, I feel like Im not with the people I want to be with. Even though I am. I dont know what I should think anymore. Life seems like it's going to get so much harder when I take on more responsibility. I feel like I want to get things done but they just arent happening! I cant even get insurance for my car. What kind of crap is that?!! Where is God when I need him... right beside me. And I keep telling myself that, and every time I get more confused. I want to lay back and let him guide me, but at the same time I want to have everything planned out. I want security. I cant find it in planning because I cant seem to figure things out. I want to talk to my mom about life. But I cant connect to her. I want to talk to someone who's more... serious but still in my age range. I dont see how this is going to work out. I want to just sit for a day and plan out everything. Right now all I can think about is my summer. If I look any further into my future... my heart starts to rip, and my eyes fill themselves with tears. I dont want to end up in a ditch or in jail or sued. I want to live healthy, I dont need to be rich just.... comfortable. A fair sized living space. Whatever god gives me is fine. I just want to be set. The work it takes to get there is no problem I will do it. I just need to know what I need to do.

3 comments:

Unknown said...

hey girl,

you know im just here. ;)

-Lizelle

myrrh said...

"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." - Proverbs 16:9

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." - Proverbs 16:3

Oh Kish, us humans never have it together, even when we think we do. Find security in God, and have faith that He is ALWAYS in control, most especially when we aren't.

KishaLove said...

I love you both XD